Prematurity affects not only the mother and the child but also the extended family, relatives and society. Coming to terms with having a premature baby is very difficult. It is an experience that differs dramatically from the ideas parents have when planning and expecting a child. Having a premature baby puts a strain on both parents.
Intensive care and resuscitation units for newborn infants are a place where it is very difficult to feel like a parent. The time a premature baby spends there differs case by case, generally ranging from a few weeks to months.
We know the risk factors that may lead to a premature birth and can reduce or eliminate some of them during pregnancy (by treating vaginal and other infections during pregnancy, applying cervical cerclage, removing excessive amniotic fluid, etc.). Yet, the primary cause of as many as 40% of premature births remains unclear. This figure contrasts sharply with the prevailing feelings of mothers of premature babies such as self-blame and guilt for not avoiding the premature birth. But that is not the only stress mothers and the whole families experience. These discomforting feelings are exacerbated by the following:
- Uncertainty and fear for the baby whose health and life are at risk for many weeks.
- Unpreparedness for motherhood because the birth comes when nobody is expecting it.
- Inability to maintain physical contact with the baby who is usually in an incubator approximately for the period that remains until his due date. Naturally, hospitals make efforts to allow parents to have as much contact with the baby as possible, get them involved in the care for and treatment of newborn babies, help them prepare for breastfeeding and support them to practice kangaroo mother care. However, limited capacity often makes it impossible to hospitalise the mother with the baby, so she has to share a room with other mothers or visit the baby in hospital.
- A feeling that others do not understand what the parents are going through. These reasons make a premature birth difficult for the whole family.
A family where a very premature baby or a baby with a disability is born, finds itself in a difficult situation nobody was expecting and wished to happen. The values, needs and sometimes the roles inside such a family change dramatically.
Biologically, a premature birth is almost identical to a birth at term. A child is born and hormonal changes in the mother trigger lactation and the development of parental nurturing behaviour. This is where a crucial difference occurs. A mother of a premature baby has nobody to look after as the baby is immediately placed into an incubator because his life functions are unstable and must be monitored or even supported by machines.
On top of that, premature babies usually differ from the mental picture women create about their future children. This leaves many parents surprised or perhaps even disappointed or shocked when they first see their baby in an incubator. Specific problems occur in addition to those associated with crisis situations in general. The stark difference between the fantasies parents had about their child and the baby in an incubator is often unbearable.
Many mothers often feel guilty for not carrying the baby and may be afraid of not being a good mother and of how their partners, relatives and friends will respond. The childbirth is not associated with usual joy and celebrations.
The mother spends several months in hospital with her baby, burdened with feelings of isolation, helplessness and anxiety.
Fathers have an extremely difficult role as they work, look after older kids and only get to see their premature baby occasionally and for short time. They are expected to provide support, yet often there is no way or place for them to express their worries and concerns.